Moving a parent into assisted living is one of the hardest things adult children do, and it often happens on a short timeline after a fall, a hospital stay, or a diagnosis. I have helped many Silicon Valley families through it, usually while also preparing to sell the parent’s home. This checklist covers the move itself, from choosing a community to the first weeks after, and how it connects to the house. It is part of the 90-day senior move plan.
Key Takeaways
- Visit several communities, ideally at mealtime, and ask about levels of care, staffing, and how costs rise as needs increase.
- Expect an assessment by the community’s nurse, a physician’s report, and paperwork including a residency agreement.
- Assisted living in the Bay Area commonly costs about $6,500 to $9,000 a month, with memory care higher.
- Set up the new room before your parent arrives, with familiar furniture, photos, and routines.
- The house can usually wait a few weeks. Get your parent settled first.
Choosing a Community
- Tour at least three, and visit at lunch or dinner to see residents and staff in action.
- Ask how care levels are assessed and priced, and how much monthly costs typically rise over time.
- Ask about staffing ratios, especially at night, and staff turnover.
- Ask whether they offer memory care on site, and what happens if needs exceed what they can provide.
- Check the state licensing history through the California Department of Social Services, which licenses assisted living, known in California as Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly.
- Ask about the move-in fee, deposits, and the notice required to leave.
Concierge Services
The Paperwork
- A physician’s report on the resident’s health, required for admission.
- The community’s own assessment of care needs.
- The residency or admission agreement. Read the sections on rate increases, discharge, and refunds.
- Copies of the power of attorney for finances and the advance health care directive.
- Insurance cards and a current medication list.
Preparing the Room
- Get the room dimensions and plan furniture placement.
- Bring the bed or at least the bedding they love, a favorite chair, lamps, photos, and familiar artwork.
- Label clothing and bring a manageable wardrobe for the season.
- Set up the room before your parent arrives, so the first night feels like home.
- Bring a few activities they enjoy, such as books, puzzles, music, or a tablet set up for video calls.
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[SEB: ADD REAL CASE STORY BEFORE PUBLISHING] A family you helped move a parent into assisted living or memory care while preparing the family home for sale. Include how quickly it happened, how the room was set up, and how the parent adjusted in the first weeks.
Moving Day and the First Weeks
Plan the move for a calm time of day, and have one or two family members present rather than a crowd. Many communities recommend limiting visits in the first week or two so the parent bonds with staff and residents, while others encourage frequent visits. Ask the community what they suggest for your parent. Expect an adjustment period. Some anxiety, sadness, or confusion is common and often improves with time and routine.
Then, the House
Once your parent is settled, the house can be cleared, prepared, and sold. If your parent can still participate, involve them in decisions about treasured items, but spare them the heavy work. Before selling, check who has authority: the parent, a trustee under a trust’s incapacity provisions, or an agent under a power of attorney. See selling a parent’s house in a trust while they are still living. Also review the tax picture, including the special rule that can preserve the home sale exclusion for someone in a care facility. See the partial home sale exclusion and care facility rule.
The Premiere Real Estate Network for Older Adults
Paying While the House Sells
Most families need a few months to sell, and the community wants payment from day one. There are several ways to bridge that gap. See paying for assisted living while the house sells, and for the full timeline, see the 90-day senior move plan.
For Best Results
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I move my parent into assisted living?
Tour several communities, complete the physician’s report and care assessment, review the residency agreement, set up the room with familiar items before move-in, and plan a calm moving day.
How much does assisted living cost in the Bay Area?
Commonly about $6,500 to $9,000 a month, with memory care higher, based on CareScout survey data. Costs rise with care needs.
Who licenses assisted living in California?
The California Department of Social Services licenses Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly, and you can review a facility’s licensing history.
Should we sell Mom’s house before or after she moves to assisted living?
Usually after she is settled. Moving first lets the family focus on her, and the house can then be cleared and prepared.
What should we bring to an assisted living room?
The bed or favorite bedding, a comfortable chair, lamps, family photos, familiar artwork, labeled clothing, and a few favorite activities.
This article is educational and reflects real estate practice in Santa Clara County. It is not legal or tax advice. Laws, dollar thresholds, and local court practices change, so confirm the specifics of your situation with a California estate attorney and a CPA before you act.
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