Digital Estate Planning: How Bay Area Families Get Into a Parent’s Accounts and Passwords

A few weeks after a parent dies, the same problem shows up in almost every family I work with. Someone needs to pay the PG&E bill, stop the autopay on a gym membership, download the photos, or figure out which brokerage holds the IRA, and nobody knows the passwords. The phone is locked, the email is locked, and every “forgot password” link sends a code to the very phone nobody can open. The same wall goes up when a parent is still living but can no longer manage things because of dementia, a stroke, or a long hospital stay.

This is what digital estate planning is about. It covers two sides of the same problem: how adult children get into a parent’s accounts when they need to, and how any of us can leave a secure list of accounts and logins that our family only gets if we’re incapacitated or gone. NordPass, a password manager company, found in a 2024 survey of its users that the average person had about 168 personal passwords, up from roughly 100 in 2020. Bay Area parents, many of whom spent careers in tech and went paperless years ago, often have even more. This guide walks through California’s rules, what the big platforms will and won’t do, and the practical steps that work for Bay Area families.

Why Getting Into a Parent’s Accounts Is So Hard Now

Twenty years ago, settling an estate meant going through the file cabinet. Statements came in the mail, and the bank knew your parent by name. Today, the account map lives inside a phone and an email inbox, and both are built to keep everyone else out. A few things make this harder than families expect.

• Email is the master key. Nearly every password reset goes through email, so whoever can open the email account can usually reach everything else. If you can’t get into the email, you’re starting from scratch on every account.
• Two-step verification goes to the phone. Banks and brokerages text a code to the phone number on file. If the phone is locked or the line has been canceled, those codes go nowhere.
• Paperless means no paper trail. Parents who switched to e-statements stopped getting the monthly envelopes that used to reveal every account.
• Passkeys and device passcodes. Newer logins use passkeys stored on the phone or computer, which means the device passcode is now as important as any password. Apple says it cannot remove a device passcode without erasing the device.
• Federal privacy law. The Stored Communications Act generally bars email and messaging providers from disclosing the content of someone’s messages without lawful consent. That’s why companies are so cautious with family members, even grieving ones with a death certificate in hand.

It’s tempting to simply log in with a password you found on a sticky note, and plenty of families do. Most terms of service prohibit sharing logins, though, and using a deceased person’s credentials to move money can create real problems for the estate and for you. For anything financial, the legal path below is the safer one.

What California Law Says About Digital Assets

California adopted its version of the Revised Uniform Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act, usually shortened to RUFADAA, in 2016 through AB 691, which added Sections 870 to 884 to the Probate Code. The law draws an important line between two kinds of information. The catalogue of someone’s electronic communications, meaning who they emailed and when, along with their other digital assets such as files and online accounts, is generally available to an executor or trustee unless the person prohibited it. The content of their emails and messages is available only if the person consented or a court orders it.

The law also sets an order of priority. If your parent used a company’s online tool, such as Apple’s Legacy Contact or Google’s Inactive Account Manager, that choice overrides anything in a will or trust. If they didn’t, a will, trust, or power of attorney can grant or deny access. Either one overrides the fine print in a company’s terms of service. Once a custodian receives the required documents, which typically include a written request, a certified death certificate, and letters of appointment, a small estate affidavit, or a court order, it has 60 days to comply.

For years, California’s version had a big gap. It only applied after death, so an adult child acting under a power of attorney for a parent with dementia had no clear legal right to digital access. SB 1458, which took effect January 1, 2025, fixed that. According to the Daily Journal, agents under a power of attorney with proper authority can now obtain the catalogue and, if the document allows it, the content of a principal’s electronic communications, and conservators can get court-approved access to a conservatee’s digital assets.

The practical takeaway is simple. If your parents’ power of attorney was signed before 2025, or doesn’t say anything specific about digital assets and electronic communications, it’s worth asking their estate planning attorney whether it should be updated. I’m a REALTOR®, not an attorney, so treat this as a starting point for that conversation rather than legal advice.

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If Your Parent Is Living but Can No Longer Manage Things

Incapacity is often harder than death from a digital standpoint, because the accounts stay open, the bills keep coming, and scammers keep calling. The best time to solve it is while your parent can still sign documents and make decisions.

• Update the durable power of attorney. Make sure it expressly covers digital assets and electronic communications. My guide to power of attorney and real estate for Bay Area families explains how these documents work when a house is involved.
• Coordinate with the trust. A successor trustee can manage trust accounts, but accounts held outside the trust still need the agent under the power of attorney. See selling a parent’s house in a trust while they are still living for how incapacity is usually handled.
• Set up the legacy tools now. Sit down with your parent and turn on Apple Legacy Contact or Google Inactive Account Manager, and write down the phone passcode together.
• Get added as a trusted contact. Many banks and brokerages let a customer name a trusted contact person they can reach if they suspect fraud or can’t reach the account holder.
• Conservatorship is the last resort. If there’s no power of attorney and your parent can no longer sign one, a court process may be the only option. Here’s a quick guide to pursuing a conservatorship in the Bay Area.

For Santa Clara County residents 60 and older, Senior Adults Legal Assistance offers free legal help, including powers of attorney. I wrote about SALA and the work they do on elder abuse, and they’re a good first call for families who can’t afford a private estate attorney.

If Your Parent Has Died and You Can’t Find the Passwords

Don’t panic, and don’t start guessing passwords on the phone. Too many wrong guesses can lock or erase a device. Work through these steps in roughly this order.

1. Keep the phone line active. Keep paying the cell phone bill for a few months, even if nobody uses the phone. The phone number is how banks send verification codes, and once a carrier releases the number, those codes are gone for good.
2. Look for the list. Check the desk, the address book, the kitchen drawer, the home safe, and any binder labeled with the estate plan. If there’s a safe deposit box in your parent’s sole name, California Probate Code Section 331 lets a person with the key open it with a death certificate and ID, but before an executor is appointed they can only remove wills, trust documents, and burial instructions.
3. Follow the mail for 60 to 90 days. Forward your parent’s mail to the executor. Tax forms, renewal notices, and privacy notices reveal accounts nobody knew about.
4. Use the tax records. Last year’s return and the 1099s attached to it list every bank and brokerage that paid interest or dividends. If you can’t find the return, the executor can request transcripts from the IRS with a death certificate and either letters testamentary or Form 56.
5. Pull the credit report and flag it. The credit report shows open loans and credit cards. Ask each bureau to add a deceased alert so nobody opens new credit in your parent’s name. The Arizona Attorney General’s guide to identity theft and the deceased lays out what each bureau requires.
6. Search California unclaimed property. The State Controller’s Office holds forgotten bank accounts, uncashed checks, and old stock. Heirs and executors can file a claim for free.
7. Request access through each company. Expect to send a certified death certificate plus proof that you have authority, such as letters testamentary, a trustee certification, or a small estate affidavit. For deaths on or after April 1, 2025, the small estate limit in California is $208,850.
8. Cancel the recurring charges. Streaming services, cloud storage, and memberships keep billing the credit card. Canceling the card stops them, but download photos and files from cloud storage first.

Platform by Platform: What Families Can Expect

How to Leave Your Family a Secure List of Accounts and Passwords

Now for the planning side, for your parents or for yourself. The goal is a system that’s secure while you’re healthy and easy for the right person to open when you’re not. There’s no single perfect tool, so most families combine two or three of these.

1. A password manager with emergency access

This is the strongest option. Bitwarden and LastPass both let you name an emergency contact who can request access to your vault. You set a waiting period, and if you don’t deny the request in that window, they get in. That built-in delay protects you while you’re alive and still gives your family a way in. Bitwarden lets you choose between view-only access and full takeover. 1Password works differently. On a family plan, family organizers can recover other members’ accounts, and 1Password recommends naming at least two organizers and saving each person’s Emergency Kit, because the company itself can’t reset a lost password.

2. The free legacy settings on each platform

These take about ten minutes and cost nothing. On an iPhone, go to Settings, tap your name, then Sign-In & Security, then Legacy Contact, and send the access key to your executor or keep a printed copy with your estate documents. In your Google Account, set up Inactive Account Manager with a waiting period of 3 to 18 months. On Facebook, name a legacy contact. Remember that Apple’s Legacy Contact gives access to photos and files, not passwords, so it works alongside a password manager rather than replacing it.

3. Shared passwords for the things a spouse or child needs now

Apple’s Passwords app lets you create shared password groups with people in your contacts on iOS 17 or later. It’s handy for the utility account, the streaming services, or the Wi-Fi password, but every member can see and change those logins today, so don’t put your bank in it.

4. A written digital inventory, stored safely

Some people will never use a password manager, and that’s fine. A written inventory works if it’s stored correctly. Keep it in a sealed envelope with your estate planning attorney, in a fireproof home safe your executor can open, or with your other trust documents. Avoid a safe deposit box in your sole name, since California limits what can be removed before an executor is appointed. Update it once a year, perhaps at tax time.

Here’s what belongs in a digital inventory:

• The phone, tablet, and computer passcodes
• The password manager’s master password, or the location of the Emergency Kit
• Every email address, and which one is used for financial accounts
• The cell phone carrier and the account PIN
• A list of banks, brokerages, retirement accounts, insurance policies, and pensions, including any employer stock plans
• Recurring bills on autopay and the card they’re charged to
• Where photos and important files are stored
• The location of any cryptocurrency seed phrase, kept separately from the inventory itself
• Your wishes for social media accounts, such as memorialize or delete

What not to do

Don’t put passwords in your will. If a will goes through probate, it’s filed with the court and becomes a public record, and passwords change long before most wills do. Don’t email a list of passwords to your kids, and don’t keep a spreadsheet called “passwords” on the desktop. And don’t hand everything to one child without telling the others, because secrecy around money is one of the fastest ways to start a family fight after a parent dies.

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What’s Different for Bay Area Families

A few things come up here more than in other parts of the country. Many of our parents worked in tech, so they’re more likely to have gone fully paperless, to use passkeys and two-step verification on everything, and to have stock plan accounts scattered across former employers. Grown children are often spread from Seattle to Singapore, which makes it hard to dig through a desk in person. Plenty of Bay Area parents also keep accounts in another country, and those institutions follow their own rules, so the inventory should note them clearly.

Bay Area seniors are also heavily targeted by scammers, and the line between “helping Mom with her passwords” and a stranger on the phone asking for them can blur for someone with memory loss. Setting up a password manager with emergency access, and getting a trusted family member named on the accounts, protects parents from fraud while they’re living as much as it helps the family later.

Finally, if the family home will be sold, the digital side affects the timeline. Property tax, utilities, insurance, and the HOA are often on autopay through online accounts, and keeping those current while the house is prepared and sold matters. When I meet with a family settling an estate, one of the first things I talk about is getting those accounts identified and covered as soon as possible, because a lapsed insurance policy or a missed property tax payment can cost real money and complicate the sale. If you’re also clearing the house, my guide on what to do with the things nobody wants when clearing a parent’s house covers the physical side.

How to Start the Conversation With Your Parents

Asking a parent for their passwords can feel like asking for the keys to their life, and many will say no. It usually goes better if you don’t ask for the passwords at all. Instead, ask them to set up a system where nobody, including you, can see anything unless something happens to them. That’s exactly what emergency access and legacy contacts do. Tie it to something they’re already doing, such as reviewing the trust or updating the power of attorney, and offer to sit with them while they set up Legacy Contact on their phone. If you have siblings, tell everyone what’s being set up and who the contacts are, so nobody feels left out.

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Sources and Further Reading

• California AB 691 (2016), Revised Uniform Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act, Probate Code Sections 870-884
• California SB 1458 (2024), Chapter 799, Statutes of 2024
• Daily Journal, “California fixes its digital asset blind spot”
• 18 U.S.C. Section 2702, Stored Communications Act
• California Probate Code Section 331
• Sacramento County Public Law Library, small estate limits
• Apple, Request access to a deceased family member’s Apple Account
• Apple, How to add a Legacy Contact
• Apple, Share passwords with people you trust
• Google, About Inactive Account Manager
• Google, Submit a request regarding a deceased user’s account
• Microsoft, Accessing Outlook.com and OneDrive when someone has died
• Meta, Facebook legacy contacts
• Bitwarden, Emergency Access
• LastPass, Emergency Access
• 1Password, Family recovery plan
• IRS, Deceased taxpayers: getting information from the IRS
• California State Controller, Claiming unclaimed property
• Arizona Attorney General, Identity Theft and the Deceased
• NordPass, People have around 170 passwords on average (2024)

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